Maybe I shouldn’t have done this. Shit, I almost certainly shouldn’t have done this. But I was here now, and soon both of them would be too. I may have made a terrible decision but it’s not like I could stop the wheels now that I’d set them in motion.
Anyway, it was going to happen sooner or later. Did it really make that much difference whether it was tonight or a month from now? There’s no point fighting against nature, so I might as well get on with it.
And I couldn’t deny that I wanted it to happen. I’d regret it, surely, but that didn’t stop me wanting it.
As I waited I fiddled with the coaster on the table, turning it around ninety degrees at a time and dropping each edge on the table, creating a rhythm like a ticking clock counting down towards the moment of truth. I tapped my phone to wake it so I could check the time again, even though I knew it had only been a minute since I last checked it, which meant it was still almost ten minutes till they were supposed to arrive. I shouldn’t have got here so early. All it did was was give me more time to sit there alone letting my nerves get the better of me.
Steven arrived early though. That’s like him. He’s naturally conscientious and organised, which means he’s never late, and often early. I was seated on the side of the table that looked across towards the door, so I saw him as soon as he walked in. The butterflies hit me the moment he entered the room. I always got them when I saw him, even though it had been two months now. The novelty should have probably worn off by now, shouldn’t it?
It wasn’t just that he was handsome. I mean, he was handsome — that diamond-shaped face with its angular lower jaw punctuated by a delicate chin, that bottom lip that was just a little more plump and pouty than the top one and always looked like it needed to be kissed, that lopsided smile he always did that would crease a dimple into his right cheek — but it wasn’t just that. It was that serious look he’d give me when he was listening politely but intently. The poise he carried himself with, as though he’d been to one of those old-fashioned finishing schools and been trained to carry a book on his head.
And it was the way he looked deep inside me, as though he was feeling the same unspoken things about me that I was about him. Maybe that was just projection on my part, or wishful thinking. We weren’t even serious yet. But regardless of whether it was real I could still tell myself it was, and I liked the idea of it.
Steven was a keeper for sure. Which made it a shame, I guess, that I wasn’t going to keep him for long.
I tried to catch his eye as he scanned the room looking for me. When he finally spotted me he gave a little wave, arm raised and then dropped in an awkward motion like one of those maneki-neko cat statues, and headed over. He sat down opposite me at the table, then leaned over it and kissed me. “Hey,” he said. “You been waiting long?”
I shook my head, lied. “A few minutes.”
He asked how my day had been. I had to think about it for a few seconds because my mind had been so consumed with thoughts of tonight’s meeting that I’d pretty much forgotten the contents of my day. It had been fine, I told him. I asked about his day, he told me about work, some drama with the project he’d been working on. Usually I’d be all ears, because I enjoyed knowing everything about his life, even the mundane work stuff. But tonight I was too churned up inside to pay attention, I just nodded and made attentive noises while it all went in one ear and out the other.
I had an eye on the door constantly, so I noticed the instant Hunter walked in. The whole room probably noticed Hunter walk in, to be honest, he has that kind of effect wherever he goes. No matter the size of the room he always manages to fill the space. He effortlessly becomes the focal point of the group, the whole room, wherever he is.
I never knew his secret to picking jeans but, man, he always looked good in them. Loose enough yet tight enough to be able to tell he was blessed with a big dick and a great ass. Maybe there was no secret, maybe if you have a body like that you look good in anything. His t-shirt was also perfectly proportioned, so that the armholes hugged his thick biceps and sat just tight enough across his chest to give you a clear impression of how shredded he was underneath. Caramel-brown hair stuck out from underneath the backwards cap on his head, giving fuckboy energy and making him look like someone who didn’t take life too seriously.
Steven must have noticed some kind of change in me. Maybe it was the way my body tensed up at the sight of Hunter. Maybe it was something written across my face. But it must have been obvious because he stopped talking and followed my eyes to the door.
“That him?” he asked. Maybe I was just imagining it, I don’t know, but I thought there was a hint of something in his voice that sounded a little like awe.
