I fidgeted with the ring box, turning it around and around in my pocket. I’d pry it open just a little bit, then let it snap shut, then turn it around again. Every minute or so I’d start to take it out of my pocket to look at it, but then catch myself and stop. I had to make sure I didn’t take it out of my pocket; I didn’t know when Josh would show up, and I didn’t want to ruin this whole night by having him catch me with the ring out.
For about the thousandth time I second-guessed whether he’d like the one I chose. It had been hard to make a decision; everything either looked too showy and ornate and effete, or else too plain to do justice to the gravity of what it represented. I think I’d chosen well. I hoped I had. Oh well, too late to change it now.
I’d been saving for the ring, and for the wedding, since before the marriage equality law had even passed. I didn’t want to have one of those engagements that went on for so long that it began to seem like neither party had any intention of actually following through with a wedding. I wanted to be in a position where I was at least close to being able to afford the wedding before I popped the question, so we could set a date that resembled the foreseeable future. It had been hard to save for it; Josh and I were saving up to convert the shed in the back of our garden into a home office, so that took most of our leftover money at the moment. It had been hard to discreetly hide a bit extra away for the wedding, but I’d managed a decent amount so far.
I’d been a bundle of nerves ever since I’d decided that it was time to take the plunge and booked this weekend out of town to pop the question. When Josh had asked what the occasion was, I must have been entirely unconvincing when I told him it was just because I wanted a break from work. But he hadn’t dug any deeper. Every day of our holiday I’d been on edge, worrying that I was going to let something slip and ruin the surprise. It was probably stupid to worry; Josh probably knew that it would only be a matter of time until I proposed, and the instant I’d told him about this trip I’m sure he’d probably put two and two together. I can be pretty predictable sometimes.
Still, I wanted this to be the perfect unexpected surprise. A magical night he’d look back on forever.
Having made the decision, I was also terrified that something was going to go horribly wrong with the big moment. As though, having officially made the decision that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Josh, he’d suddenly realise he didn’t want me after all and would turn me down. But I think that ultimately the nerves had been a good thing; it meant I was more attentive to his needs, more ready to examine my own behaviour when I made him annoyed or upset. And the couple of times that he’d had a bull around to fuck him in our bed, the extra anxiety of losing him had made my cuckold libido rage even harder than usual.
As I saw Josh wander up the beach to the restaurant, my stomach jumped with nerves, but I couldn’t help smiling from ear to ear. He was so fucking stunning. Today his short shorts showed off his slender, tanned legs, and his scoop-necked t-shirt revealed just enough of his smooth, golden collarbone to make me want to reach out and touch it. He was slim and toned — a total twink — with smooth honey skin, and jet-black hair and stubble. As he saw me he smiled his wide, supermodel smile, and waved.
He strolled up to the restaurant, and I stood up to meet him. I took him in my arms and kissed him. Slowly, tenderly, maybe a little too long for this public spot we were in. “Hey, handsome,” I greeted him. “How was your nap?”
“I couldn’t sleep in the end,” he replied, sitting down at the table across from me. “I read my book for a while. Where did you end up going?”
“Just for a walk. I just needed to chill on my own for a bit.” Honest, but evading any further explanation. “You ready to eat?”
“So hungry,” Josh said, clutching his stomach in faux starvation. “You?”
I was so nervous I didn’t think I could eat a thing. “Yup. Famished.”
We’d spent almost every minute of the last couple of days together, so we didn’t have much news to catch each other up on. Josh talked about the book he’d been reading, and told me about the hermit crab he’d seen on the beach earlier. We talked about our plans for our final day here — we hadn’t taken the kayaks or the paddle-boards out yet, which we were keen to do before we had to leave.
“Honey, I got on the apps before,” Josh told me.”I found a guy staying here, in the main hotel. He said he could be up for fucking me later tonight. You keen?”
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